I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
