I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
