I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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