I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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