I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
