I'm really into asian looking animals
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
