Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
