So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's like iHOP with fire
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
