Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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