Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
