Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
