first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
