i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
