I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
