and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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