College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
