at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
