You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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