shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
