I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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