Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
