Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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