it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
