Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
