checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
