I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
