I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
