Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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