This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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