i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
