how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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