Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
