I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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