i permit you to call me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
