She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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