the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
