We need to rekindle our bromance
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
