So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There r osticjed everywhere
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
