you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The Olympian is in my bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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