omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
only you would photoshop your dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I didn't notice because vodka
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
