I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
