haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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