i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
