there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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