So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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