I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
