Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
