So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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