im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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