I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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